The Phenomenon of the Ree-ism

Those that follow my Facebook posts are somewhat acquainted with the "Ree-ism."

The Ree-isms are essentially the one or two line, opportunistic, witty, immediate responses or just simple reactions of my seven year old daughter Rhiannon. They are at times so funny that everything going on just seems to stop and the mood of the moment is reset. I would be wrong if I did not readily admit that these comments are not filled at times with a generous amount of sarcasm.

I may be partially at fault for this as I usually am not at a shortage where sarcasm is concerned, but I have to give her credit for the ability to time these responses so that mouths drop open in surprise.

I suppose the earliest manifestation of this may have been when she was around two and I was watching Battlestar Galactica a lot. We used to say a little exchange from the TV show back and forth at bed time or during other conversational moments:

Adama (Me): "Starbuck, what do you hear?"

Starbuck (Ree): "Nothing but the rain."

Adama: "Grab your gun and bring in the cat."

Ree: "Aye aye, Sir." (or other appropriate response to the situation)

An example of this exchange from the show can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmqdsFq9fgs

I think this back and forth may have given her the impression that every comment needs some appropriate response. So without further delay, here is a small collection of Ree-isms.

Hopefully... these will give you a good laugh as they do me.

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While out car shopping... sales associate walks up and says, "Your daughter is quite the storyteller..."

Me: "Which story?"

Sales associate: "All about Zombies."

Me: {{{FACEPALM}}}

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While selling Girl Scout cookies in front of Schnuck's... a Keebler semi truck with cookie ads on the trailer pulls up in front of the building...

Ree: "Grrrrrrr... competition..."

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Again while selling Girl Scout cookies...

Me: "You are slow tonight. You usually are writing down the sale before they finish their selection."

Ree: "That's because I read minds!" (followed by evil laughter)

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Me: "Hmmm... Michael's application for NYLT requires my approval. What should I hold over his head."

Ree: "A bucket of cold water."

Well played Rhiannon... well played.

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In the checkout lane at Wal-Mart....

Me, replying to a verbal, good hearted sparring match with Michael: "Never underestimate how quickly an old paramedic can put you on the floor..."

Michael: "Go ahead if You're man enough."

Rhiannon (without hesitation) punches Michael in the gut.

Me: "I got peeps for that."

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While at an event with a guy in a bumble-bee suit.

The guy in the bumble bee suit comes at her buzzing...

Ree points at Michael and says, "Take him."

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Peter: "I hate long sleeve shirts."

Ree: "I feel your pain."

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Elf on the shelf...

Ree-ism for Christmas day... Item lying in the middle of the road...

 

Me: "Is that an elf on the shelf?"
Ree: "It was..."

 

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Me: "Eat, Drink and be Merry! For tomorrow we die!" (Just a random quote I threw out there while driving).

Ree: "I am not getting married and am not planning on dying tomorrow. Thank you."

 

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Following a conversation I was having with Michael...

Michael: "Rhiannon, just kill me now."

Rhiannon (without delay): "Dad... can I have a gun?"

Mic drop.

 

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Teenage angst backfire....

Michael: "Dad... you make every situation worse."

Before I can respond...

Ree: "That's his job!"

My work here is done....

 

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While walking the dog and totally out of the blue...

Ree: "Is the Government listening to us right now?"

Me: "Only if you have Facebook on your phone..."

 

Ree (suspiciously squinting): "I knew it!"

 

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Me: "You are wise beyond your years."

 

Ree: "Sometimes."

 

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Off with sick kids one day... stopped at McDonald's to feed the two staying home. Placed the order and the cashier stopped me from swiping the card while shaking her head... she said, "Pay it with love." Rhiannon jumped up and hugged me. The meal was free...

 

******

 

After two weeks of family time and two trips to Walmart in one day... I needed some time to spend with my wife...

Me: "Can I have five minutes?"

Ree: "No."

 

******

 

At the Emergency Room with Rhiannon. Lacerated toe... super glue time...

 

Doctor: "Are you going to be more careful next time?"

 

Ree: "Where's the fun in that?"

 

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Rhiannon saw me grab the alfredo sauce. 

 

Ree: "I'll get the garlic!"

 

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And my all time favorite. Rhiannon is in the back seat. Peter is in front...

 

Peter: "I want to sit in the back seat."

 

Ree (without a seconds hesitation): "Life isn't fair, Peter."

 

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So, that is a glimpse into life with Ree... otherwise known as the "Southern Indiana Tree Pig," but that is another story. The other side of that coin is that she is usually the one who greats me at the door... the last to let go of me at school in the morning... and the first one to fall into something totally stupid or totally serious with me.

 

She is 100% girl while being blatantly fearless when it comes to things that boys usually hold near and dear. After all, she has a twin brother to keep up with in all things. Especially when it comes to trees, scooters, baseball and basketball. She can climb a tree better than anyone I know.

 

She gets that stuff from her mom...

 

I did not grow up fearless. I am the cautious one of the family. I am content to watch them have the fun in many cases, although I often cringe in anticipation of disaster. The falls and scrapes happen sometimes. I get the medical kit and patch up the boo-boos.

 

I just look forward to the cuddles and being able to say...

 

"Starbuck, what do you hear?"