Faith, Family, Forests and the Field: December 2025

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. – Revelation 3:20 ESV

I know what you are thinking... What an odd verse to start with for a Christmas blog entry. Maybe... but then again, maybe not. We’ll come back to that.

2025 was one crazy year. In a way, I am not even sure where to start. For me, I was starting out this year adapting to first-time hearing aids and the realization that I really did have significant hearing loss from all of the years of ambulance and fire apparatus sirens. Checked that one off the bucket list of things I never thought I would have to deal with, succumbed to the treatment and moved on. Amazing the thing you miss and never realize until correction brings your senses back to near normal and you hear rain hitting the roof again as if it was the first time you ever noticed. When healthcare is indeed restorative in nature, you notice.

Early 2025 was a whirlwind of dealing with personnel shortages at work, programming new ECG monitor/defibrillators, and multiple other projects for a multitude of entities and agencies. In the middle of that, we decided to clean out a storage unit we had been using for a long time. This involved cleaning a garage, throwing a ton of stuff away, taking advantage of snippets of good weather, and... going through memories. It was during this endeavor that everything started for me in the realm of self-care. It seems this would be another step in a cascade of events that had again started in 2024, much like the hearing problem.

So, let’s back up like a Quentin Tarantino movie.

This part can be hard due to unnecessary stigma that the EMS community claims to have solved but continues to whisper about in the background. But we will never fix it if we do not talk about it, AND that talking has to come from the leaders and veterans of EMS (who I think may hide it more than others... more than evident if you listen to any of the examples that Dr. Peter Antevy discusses in his pediatrics course). Anyway, my wife, quite bluntly, told me I needed to talk to someone. This had come on the heels of a dinner discussion of local EMS, law enforcement, and fire leaders where we had discussed some of “those runs” from the past. So, I went and sought out a counselor who worked only with public safety types. Best decision to succumb to the will of others ever. Needless to say, I had issues. And I really do not care if the world knows it. Again, we cannot fix these things unless we talk about them.

OK... what the hell does this have to do with cleaning out the garage... let alone Christmas? I’m getting there. We are about to set off a cascading set of events that couldn’t possibly happen in a year but did.

So, I started seeing the counselor. Visits are only online (even though local) which I was pretty skeptical about but turned out to be totally positive. Again... diagnosed with issues. There was this question that was asked early on before we dug into things, dissected things, and ended up trying out EMDR (which was an absolute, immediate life changer). That question was this: “What do you do for fun?”

My answer came forth without thinking about it. “I’m not even sure what fun is.” It was honest. Fun was not something I had thought about in many years. Not that I do not enjoy things. I enjoy my time with my wife and the satisfaction of getting things done and watching kids grow up. Success at work brings a good feeling. But defining something as fun? I am a literalist... fun means smiling and laughing and wanting to do something. I don’t have fun.

That became a take home assignment. Find something fun. It was a simple direction: You have to find something fun and do it. I didn’t just find it. It fell in my lap.

Here I am, cleaning the garage and getting rid of stuff from storage by removing it from the stuff you want to keep. I’m going through a box and I find a familiar plastic organizer filled with little ¼” inch pieces of cardboard. They were from a small pocket hobby wargame from 1977; Steve Jackson Games Ogre. Man, there was a memory... and I realized... I was smiling.

More hours spent cleaning, more finds, more smiles. I purged a lot of my life in those couple of weeks but at the same time opened a portal to my past, and it was a BIG portal. I found everything I had for that game plus multiple RPG games, miniatures, dice... you get the picture. A fact only a few of my old friends know is that I used to own Evansville’s first retail store centered totally around games and miniatures. Back in the early 1980’s, hobby games were a product sold by mail order and corners of general hobby shops. Great concept... unfortunately, at least 20 years before a time when it could have succeeded. Today it is a far different story. Just step into your local gaming store and witness resounding success. It served to support my own gaming addictions though. Then along came EMS, I sold my floor stock and doubled down on my career in EMS by going to paramedic school. I played games for a few more years but it became harder due to the way EMS just seems to pull you in. So, around 1992 or so I drifted away from the gaming world by about 98%.

So, I was under orders, right? Find out what fun is and have fun.

I did. I took account of what I had. I pulled every game we had into one room. Iorganized. I cataloged my games online at Board Game Geek. I joined an Ogre group on Facebook (mentioned above... a game about AI cybernetic tanks set in 2085 that came in a plastic bag without required dice in 1977). Then I went down the rabbit hole. Ogre had gone on without me. It is now out of print with the last edition coming in a 30 pound box! And the miniature offerings were out there too. I went after it all... eBay... new friends selling me (or even in some cases giving me) their duplicates... game stores I would stop at... it was all out there. The wife found the 30-pound box and got it for my birthday in July. Steve Jackson Games even has some limited stuff left and available online. I order often.

So here we are at the start of July, just following a trip to the EMS Eagle’s conference and a Florida vacation which included the twin’s significant others. It was a great time. Now let’s have yet another Quentin Tarantino moment. If you are still with me here, you are indeed a trooper...

Let’s regress back to the last week of March of this year. The garage was done, the storage unit no longer rented. Big projects are still looming with the house. Something was wrong. I started having headaches that I had not had in years. I was five weeks past an annual physical that had only revealed that I had no memory problems, and my mild hypertension was well under control. I also had other symptoms that warranted me making the call to the doctor. “Let’s get some labs.”

The call I got back, on a Saturday none the less (God bless my physician for taking a lengthy amount of time with me on the phone on the weekend). “I’m not sure how this happened quickly but you are now a diabetic.” My glucose was over 1000. My A1C was 11.7. Yeah... Diabeetus (insert Wilfred Brimley moment)! No more Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes.

Immediately, I am on 2gm of Metformin a day and starting the ramp up on Mounjaro. Within one month, I am down nearly 15 pounds, fasting sugar is at 128 and the A1C is at 6.1. My diet and lifestyle have totally changed.

This is all going on while I am exploring “fun” again. Needless to say, Diabetes has been a blessing but that is a discussion for another blog entry. Now going back to July...

My oldest son has played Dungeons & Dragons online since he was in grade school. He is 26 now. He finds out that there will be a meeting of players at a local bar in Indy during Gen Con at the end of July. “We are going to Gen Con.”

Gen Cod Entry Badge
and ribbon collection

I had always wanted to go to Gen Con all those years ago. It is the largest gaming convention in North America. Held in Indianapolis, it has a draw of around 170,000 people... We went. I made connections and a couple of re-connections. I will be going back in 2026. Awesome experience! Enough said. If you want to read about that experience, I will put a link to one of my other blogs at the end of this entry.

With the diabetes, hypertension, and hearing now affectively managed, at the start of August I now turned the attention toward working on home life and also some self-care in having this renewed “fun.” In September, I started promoting some really promising games on Kickstarter via social media and a new blog I had started the night before Gen Con. This led to backing several Kickstarter games and miniature offerings.

I then received a notification from Facebook asking me to switch my personal profile to a “Professional Account.” I followed suit. Then came the weekly challenges to move toward monetization and growing followers. I did those as well, and things started to take off like a roller coaster.

Meanwhile, back on the counselor topic. My scores on assessments became pretty normal. Intrusive thoughts: gone. Places I avoided: No longer a problem. Do I still talk to her? Absolutely. Regular discussion is filled with catharsis.

Now here we are, five days till the end of 2025. The global scene in the news is chaotic. On the home front here in the states, government at many levels is filled with corruption and those trying to fight that corruption. Crime in the United States seems like it gets more violent daily. Of course, there are good people out there fighting it and trying to provide great outcomes (EMS is no different). Prices of goods and utilities are rising at crazy rates. But the world is a sinful place and we know this. And it will be such until the mighty foe is vanquished. The world isn’t a keen place at the moment.

On the health front, I feel great physically, mentally, and spiritually. There is stress at work, but the organization I work for is amazing and very supportive of every effort. As of today, I am down 85 pounds in just 9 months, and I have more energy than ever (in fact I find it very hard to sleep). Mounjaro is my friend in battle with this ailment. I still enjoy EMS research and helping our state constantly move toward more evidence-based prehospital medicine. But I also now realize that there must be self-care away from heavy responsibility and patient care.

What does that look like?

Let’s take a look (remembering of course that none of this was in place at the start of 2025:

• I am now a digital creator (with still much learning to accomplish) with 2.4 thousand dedicated followers and another 5.3 thousand following on Facebook alone (not including Instagram and other platforms). This encompasses from EMS to gaming topics.

• I have helped support multiple games and miniature sets on Kickstarter and Gamefound. This includes purchasing merchant license to 3D print and sell said miniatures and sets (I forgot to mention that I acquired both a filament and resin 3D printers... a new skill I am learning).

• I now have three blogs, all of which I would like to be more prolific with, but that is a slow process. Along with the blogs I have three affiliates that I promote (Dubby Energy Drink, Krydrufi portable art stations, and a community on Skool that teaches miniature painting - I am also a student in that online program... I stopped painting miniatures in 1991 and all of the science on paint has changed, as well as the fact that minis are now plastic).

• In the community miniature painting school I just mentioned (Brush & Banner), I currently have the highest participatory point value and my skills are growing weekly.

• I have helped promote several Kickstarter projects (gratis... as my goal in this area is to help people that are into gaming get the good start that I did not have in turning it into a career).

Steve Jackson Games Ogres

• I make time for fun. Even if that means I am painting tiny pieces of plastic at 2am. I have a tone of Ogre tank miniatures, some newer versions of Micro Armor that I used to paint, and have started on a Warhammer 40K faction (Adepta Sororitas... what can I say... I love oppressive nuns with guns).

• I am preparing to take an online game design class, and I intend to take a marketing class after that one is finished.

• I have published four gaming related articles in a Brazilian gaming magazine called Belicosa. I have another article coming in late January or February.

• I am going to start interviewing game store owners and game designers in one of the blogs to help promote gaming as part of my give back.

• I am learning to use AI effectively to help direct my digital creation efforts and fund this very broad gaming and social media hobby (that may turn into a retirement career in about six years or so).

• I have even delivered a lecture at an EMS conference on rebalancing your life. It needs work but the important part is that we are talking about mental health and action that can be taken.

I am not leaving EMS or anything that I am currently engaged with on that front. My passions in that area are as strong as ever. Although I will admit that I have started a twice monthly game night at work for those team members and their families that want to have some fun (look... there’s that word again).

So, what does all of this massive transformation have to do with revelation 3:20?

The fact is that He is always knocking. I am a horrible patient. I do not follow medical orders well where my own life is concerned. But I did this past year. I scoffed at my own need to talk to someone. But I relented this last year. I am smart enough to know that much like my own salvation, no good can come of my own efforts, but only through His will. He is indeed always knocking. Scripture teaches us that He knows us even before we are formed in the wound. He knows our dreams, our failures, and our every need long before we realize it. He provides. I can see that. He is knocking at confession and absolution. He is knocking at the Lord's Supper. He is always knocking.

I know where the credit is due regarding all success in my life and it isn’t just hard work on my part... it is because he wills it to be so.

2025 has been a horrible year on many fronts. There are many unknowns to come in 2026. A friend of mine recently posted this on Facebook: 2025 basically said, “But did you die.” Kind of the way a lot of us feel. I lost close friends to death in 2025. I also made a lot of new ones (in a few different places around the world). The facts are simple. Christ is still on the throne and 100% in control. Whatever purpose there is for this we shall see, but I am well aware of the fact that He is still working on me and getting back to being as rock solid as I can be on many fronts from home to career to helping others accomplish things in routine life.

I am going to do the work put in front of me in both primary EMS vocation and the additional vocation of a very broad hobby as work comes in many forms. I know now what fun is. It is joy. Joy comes from doing your purpose. Joy comes from knowing you have a savior that has your back even in the darkest moment (and especially those leading to death). His hand can even use ailments to affect change in wondrous ways.

So, this Christmas, I simply say: