The BETTER Half

San Diego 2016

This particular blog entry has been under construction since early 2013. I have been tucking away a paragraph here and a paragraph there, slowly trying to log my feelings about my wonderful wife. Each time I pulled up this draft to work on it, I always felt as if I could not tie it all together into something that would make sense.

I finally think I may be able to do that today.

Although I do not think many women would much care for being described as a rock, I first and foremost must do such. She is a rock for our family. Without her very mindful focus on the needs and desires of our children, I am sure that I would fail in that endeavor. She assures that the sports involvement is where it should be, that my oldest son gets to see his girlfriend and that my oldest daughter's Parent Plus college loans get paid on time. Not to mention the challenges of two children with ADHD.

This alone makes her far to busy and tired, but it does not end there.

Who roofed the house? She did. Who put the siding on the house? She did. Who got a massive circular saw on a ten-foot stand for Christmas one year? She did. And who used it to (I only held pieces in place) cut and install laminate flooring? You guessed it... she did. She does electrical work too...

She likes to surprise me and makes it work to the best even though she knows I am surprise adverse.

She manages the household and continually manages to make the finances balance while reducing our debt. It sometimes seems like she works magic with the finances. I was never that adept with my simple spreadsheets and numbers (that were rarely right). She tends to not miss the details that make things work out right.

So as far as "needing a man" in her life goes... she could probably get by pretty well without one. But even then, she manages to put up with an aging paramedic manager who is getting hard of hearing and having trouble remembering things.

I honestly do not know how she does everything she does. I do know that it wears her out. She is a leader in both Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts. She works with our local Boy Scout Council with day camp planning and camp inspections. She works with cookie and popcorn sales. She assures that Rhiannon gets to Sylvan and the twins get to baseball. She understands WHY each of our children do the things they do (such as how to talk to Luke and why he is reclusive). Her intuition is seldom wrong. She listens and processes and understands... and tries, sometimes to futility, to help me understand as well. She shows her love to the point of exhaustion and seldom gets the rest which she needs.

Both of us receiving District Award of Merit in 2008

She can make things in a Dutch oven with campfire coals unlike anyone else and make enough of it to feed a small army. She can run a scouting campsite with dozens of wild Cub Scouts going in a million different directions. As a matter of fact, she teaches it. She can use a bow and arrow or a firearm... and teach that too. And she makes that Scout uniform look good...

I knew she was cut from a different cloth when I first tested the waters of friendship. Back then... a long time ago in the late nineties, we would stay up all night just sitting on the couch talking. Her intelligence and maturity amazed me. It did not take long for me to know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I did not really even want to lose out on a minute with her. I waited to see if she would feel the same about me. We married in 1997 and renewed our vows ten year later in 2007. Both are some of the happiest moments in my life. She even taught me that having many children was an amazing thing to not fear.



Key West 1997

Even after a breathless moment of realizing that there was a twelve year difference in our ages (which we did not realize for about two months), we swept that aside and continued on.

She even introduced me to my first Lutheran service on a Maundy Thursday. She was God's guiding hand that night to finally bring to a place where my lifelong religious turmoil was ended.

No man could ask for a better spouse. We have our moments. Marriage is hard. Raising kids is even harder. We have misunderstandings. We argue. I do not always understand what she wants but I am committed to always trying. I can always do more to help. When she was in nursing school, I was actually able to help her study on some things. A lot of the work we do as parents today, just requires doing. Two parents in health care can be a schedule killer where kids are concerned.

Simple things such as housecleaning sometimes become overwhelming.

As I grow older, I learn wisdom from this woman who is twelve years younger than I, and I often wonder what she sees in this aging man who is hopeful that he will never lose her favor. She has tolerated so much from me (and has not killed me yet! LOL). She knows I need to take better care of myself and points it out when I tend to play self medic and do anything other than go see our perfectly competent physician.

I love to buy her things but she is so practical that it makes gift buying hard. Sometimes I have to be content to just help her pick out a new outfit at the store.

If you read Proverbs chapter 31, she is pretty much the woman of that description, but there is a whole other side too.

Painting With A Twist

I would be remiss if I did not discuss the fact that I am attracted to her. It is the whole package that attracts me to her. When she really laughs, her eyes light up in a special way. I love the times (now rare) when we both have the time to open up and talk, or that we actually solve a problem together as a team... or maybe even paint a picture together. An evening Martini is sometimes all we get just before Bonefish Grill closes... but I will take it and hold each moment close.

To hear her say, "I forgot my makeup," makes me smile. She really does not need it. Men are visual. Our eyes wander. Mine do not have to as there is no other woman in this world that attracts me in the way that she does. What she may see as an imperfection, I find to simply be her. Everything about her makes the nasty old world around me melt away and takes away the stress and worries of all it entails. Our pastor often states, "bounce your eyes," when you see other women so that you do not take your mind off your wife. When I see other women, I may notice attire or something else, but  the first thing that comes to my mind is that it may look good on my wife or that she might like it. I desire no other. She is fearless and adventurous which adds to her mystique.

I would rather spend time with her than anyone else in the world. All of my friends know that the only thing I really want to do is be somewhere with my wife. Given any alternative, I would rather be with her than anywhere else.

The sad thing about all of this is that it is so hard to continually remember to say this and show love by my words and actions. It gets lost in the shuffle.

Annette... know one thing. I think about you all day, every day. There is no place I would rather be than with you. Whether it is fire, storm or Hell thrown at us, I will not ever desert you.

The three most often repeated word in the English language must be "I love you," but I do not ever think they should be taken lightly, nor do I think they describe enough. Those three little words can describe the highest levels of elation and the harshest pain there can be while on earth.

I mean them when I say them.

I love you. It is you and only you. For me there is nothing that this world has for me that is more desirable that you.

As a husband, I see that Christ gave His life for His bride, the Church. Marriage is the representation of that union on Earth.

My bride is Annette Turpen. I am so proud of her for everything she does, everything she gives and love her just as she is... my beautiful, works too much, seldom given appreciation wife. She calls me Silly Rabbit, or at least she has many times. That is because I am just that... silly. Sometimes in a good way, and sometimes because I just cannot seem to wrap my sill head around simple things. I am glad she can tolerate that and love me.

2015

I want to grow old with you. Our marriage will be twenty years in length in the not too distant future. I must always remember to show you the respect and affection you deserve and let you know through touch, words and actions that you are the one I put on the pedestal.

Just know that you are the only one for me. I love you... always. We are two halves of one. You are the better half. Real husbands with great wives know this to be true.

What makes a good man is the woman walking beside him.